My Bare Buttock Sat on Someone Else’s Warm Piss Today!

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You read it right, I sat on someone’s warm light yellow piss today as I rushed to the ladies washroom to relieve myself of the bladder-exploding moment. The second my bare bottom felt it – my thighs were smeared on it and nature’s call was already on its way. Then I knew there was no escape from the deadly realisation I just had. I almost emptied the tissue roll trying to rub the not-so-bathroom-friendly lady’s liquid off the side of my buttcheek and thighs.

I think I stood there for about a minute cussing, not at the culprit or the poor droppings (lol) but at myself! I mean, we all know this right? We don’t normally never ever just not wipe the toilet seat and sit on it when we are out! I mean, this is India, we gotta watch out for our own bottoms in the literal sense (not that I know about other countries nor have left India- irony again)!

Don’t even get me started on men and toilet seats! It’s like they are all poor at aiming judging by the fresh and dried piss drops on the seat (because ‘bros’ are too cool to lift up the seat!). Walking into gent’s washroom gives me migraines, really!

Just recently, when I went to watch Thor: Ragnarok at Select City walk, I did drop into the washroom. While relieving myself, I read an ad on the wall of the door about a toilet seat sanitizer. If I remember it right, I guess it read something like the particular toilet seat was protected by pee safe or something. Basically, they want to reassure people like me that the particular toilet seat can be cleaner than my butt, all thanks to that product.

After today, I am seriously considering dropping in an email to the HR to sanction Pee Safe kind of sanitatiser because I know there are quite dozens of toilet-seat-unfriendly lady/ies on the floor. I am rather doubtful that even one of you might be leaning on to that category (damn you!).

I sort of overreacted a bit and started looking up on what exactly that unfortunate piss could have transmitted to me. I was looking forward to a long list of names (which would give me the right to cuss the lady multiple times) but turns out, I was out of luck.

According to Dr Chuck Gerba, professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona, the average toilet seat there are 50 bacteria per square inch! He adds that it’s one of the cleanest things you’ll run across in terms of micro-organisms and that there are not many things cleaner than a toilet seat when it comes to germs. Well, apparently our cutting board is way grosser than toilet seats! He says “Usually there are about 200 times more faecal bacteria on the average cutting board than on a toilet seat.” Also, the average desktop has 400 times more bacteria than on a toilet seat! (Waaaat? Wearing gloves as I type)

According to Philip Tierno, MD, Director of Clinical Microbiology and Diagnostic Immunology at New York University Medical Center and Mt. Sinai Medical Center, Germs in faeces can be propelled into the air when the toilet is flushed. For that reason, we are advised to leave the stall (your nature’s call cubicle) immediately after flushing to keep the microscopic, airborne mist from choosing you as a landing site. He says that “the greatest aerosol dispersal occurs not during the initial moments of the flush, but rather once most of the water has already left the bowl.”

So, my second findings reassured me that I could cuss at that lady who left her urine for me! I mean, she could’ve even taken a dump too, right. (Cussing begins)

Seriously, on a very very husky Meryl Streep voice, wipe the toilet seat before and after use, for the love of our bottoms, please.

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